This weekend many communities will be holding Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) events. TDOR is hard for many people. While some are comforted and feel supported by gathering together to mourn those who had their lives taken by anti-transgender violence, others find these events to bring on even more pain. For many, being reminded of this severity of violence can stimulate intense fear and sometimes a sense of hopelessness. Many avoid attending TDOR events altogether.
There is NOTHING wrong with you or others if you cannot or do not want to attend TDOR events (or read or hear about them, either).
Think about the trans people you know: are any not planning on attending a TDOR event? Does anyone express distress or avoid discussing TDORs altogether? If so, consider creating an alternative.
- Create a distraction: organize an outing to an upbeat movie, host a card party, or take a friend shopping (don’t forget secondhand stores if money is limited!). You don’t lose your “trans card” for taking care of yourself and/or your friends.
- Offer a listening ear. Sometimes what feels most healing is getting long-buried feelings out in the open. This can happen anywhere, at any time, but you can also offer it to the community: put on social media that you will be at X coffeehouse at X time if anyone wants to drop by and talk or just sit together.
- Engage in other forms of activism: Sometimes people want to express their anger, outrage, and other emotions about the harsh realities embodied in remembering those who have died. If those you care about want to engage in letter-writing to public officials, to people who are incarcerated, to trans youth, or anyone else, bring paper and pens and coffee and write with them. (Or support each other in any other form of action that feels emotionally possible and meaningful.)
- Encourage people to engage in self-care. This year, in particular, has been hard for nearly everyone. Self-care and other-care is more called for than usual. Remember self-care can take many forms: time alone, sleeping, reading a book, making an especially good cup of coffee, having sex, cooking a delightful meal, remembering to take medications, coloring, journaling, going for a brisk walk, or anything else that feeds a persons’ soul.
#14DaysOfTransAction #TDOR #TransAwareness #TDOR2019