Empowering. Healing. Connecting.
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Transgender Day Of Remembrance (TDOR) events are likely to look very different this year, but many of the feelings will be the same. TDOR is hard for many people. While some are comforted and feel supported by gathering together to mourn those who had their lives taken by anti-transgender violence, others feel more painful emotions. For many, being reminded of this severity of violence can stimulate intense fear and sometimes a sense of hopelessness.

  • Reach out to people who you personally know are mourning. Send them a text or email, or chat on the phone when you both have time. Let them know that they are not alone in their experiences of this day, and that you are there to offer a listening ear.
  • Sometimes what feels most healing is getting long-buried feelings out in the open. This can happen anywhere, at any time, but you can also offer it to the community: put on social media that you will be holding virtual space on X platform, or a socially-distanced gathering, at X time if anyone wants to drop by and talk or just sit together.  [If you meet in a park or other public space in person, consider offering to bring a hot coffee or snacks.]
  • Make a plan to attend a virtual TDOR event with someone else who is interested in going (each joining the event safety from your own spaces).
  • If you would like to meditate quietly on what others have said about TDOR, check out some speeches from a past FORGE TDOR.

There is also NOTHING wrong with you or others if you cannot or do not want to attend TDOR events (or read or hear about them, either).

Think about the trans people you know: are any not planning on attending a TDOR event? Does anyone express distress or avoid discussing TDORs altogether? If so, consider creating an alternative.

  • Create a distraction: organize a Zoom call with your friends, watch a movie together using Netflix Party, play a virtual game together, or purchase something comforting or fun (or just window shop!) from your favorite online store (Etsy is a great place to find handcrafted goods made by artists, including trans artists!)
  • Engage in other forms of activism: Sometimes people want to express their anger, outrage, and other emotions about the harsh realities embodied in remembering those who have died. If those you care about want to engage in letter-writing to public officials, to people who are incarcerated, to trans youth, or anyone else, schedule a time to write with them. (Or support each other in any other form of action that feels emotionally possible and meaningful.)
  • Encourage people to engage in self-care. This year, in particular, has been hard for nearly everyone. Self-care and other-care is more called for than usual. Remember self-care can take many forms: time alone, sleeping, reading a book, making an especially good cup of coffee, having sex, cooking a delightful meal, remembering to take medications, coloring, journaling, going for a brisk walk, or anything else that feeds a persons’ soul.

  #30DaysOfAction #TDOR #TDOR2020

P.S. First we mourn, then we act. Prepare to act on #GivingTuesday, December 1.